Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Tolerated Presence

Somewhere there’s a quote by some inspiring individual that I can drop here, about how it is easier in life to hate than to love. If you think of one, insert it here on your own, other wise I may have to use a star wars reference with Yoda. The thing about hating someone or thing, at its core, is lack of understanding. While obviously not an be all end all explanation, it suits my needs for this thread of thoughts. Thus I ask myself the question, why all the hate?

Hate of/for specific individuals, things, practices, things I can’t control, pass experiences etc. The most important question for me isn’t trying to find the cause or origin, but reflecting more on the active decision making process in which I acknowledge choosing negativity versus anything positive. I don’t deny past decisions I have made, once upon a time I may have, but not these days.

Hence, knowing and fully understanding what it means to put out bad juju in the universe, I consciously throw metaphorical rocks that have started and/or escalated beefs that could have been avoided and/or ignored. None of it does any good and it only furthers to alienate myself from whatever it is I’m trying to get away from and/or put down because I don’t agree with whatever thing I don’t agree with.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Not About That Life

You know, the last time I found myself caught in an existential transition that revolved around life milestones I was graduating high school. Everyone around me had some sort of plan on how they were going to move forward as one part of their lives ended and another started. Me, I had no plans. I just worked whatever jobs until I started going to community college. I’ve never planned ahead for anything because frankly, I never thought I would be alive this long to find myself in these kind of existential situations.

Part of it is that I gave up on myself when I was seven years old. I treated school and life like I job I hated, but had to go to. I went through the notions and did enough work so as to not be “fired.” And the Los Angeles Unified School District had no problem letting me go through the motions until I was no longer their concern.

I wanna say that part of it also involves my parents, but that’s just a cheap cop out. They fed me, put clothes on my back and a roof over my head. Anything after that is just being nit picky. But I don’t deny that my particular experience growing up and my relationship with my parents, or lack there of, does have its place in all this.