Wednesday, April 29, 2009

And the circle continues

Ay caramba. It feels like a maelstrom came at me full force and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces. As of late I have ben going about things all wrong. Somehow, some way my ego got inflated and I was thinking how kick ass I am when I'm really not that kick ass. Thinking about it I realized that it started a while back too I think it reached it's climax already. Needless to say an over inflated ego cause much turmoil for those close to me.  haven't walked my dog in about 2 weeks now and I extremely bad, guilty and mad. Not just because I'm not being responsible, but because the walk is what calms me down and allows me to think about how things are going in my life. I use the walk to reflect on what I'm doing. 

Not only that but with soo many things going on in my head and in life, I got caught up in something and I seemed to have lost what I once had. I was reminded and criticized about how I present my self to others and the kind of energy I give off. Needless to say I didn't like what I heard, but I needed to hear it cause no one else is willing to be up front like that with me. That being said I had an idea of what I'm doing wrong, again and I'll be reflecting on all this good stuff for a good while. 

I usually take my time chewing these kinda things out because it's not something I can just decide to do one day because I'll forget the next. I was once in a place where I didn't care about what was going on, who was fucking with me or anything like that. Currently I'm acting like a cocky ass bastard who can conquer the world. There's nothing wrong with that but I just don't have my head on straight. I'll be chewing on this for a while so expect deep, thought provoking post or not. we'll see what happens.    

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bruins for the DREAM Act

I gotta say that my hat goes off to every one at UCLA, IDEAS and the Alliance of Dreams. They're holding it down and they're always up to something promoting the DREAM Act. In fact all this week, as you can see from the flier, they're hosting various events through out the week to raise more awareness and remind people of what's at stake. I would have posted this earlier, but school and life got in the way, something we all know about hehehe. Anyway, this is what they're planning for the rest of the week, so if you happen to be at UCLA, stop by and yell "Pass the DREAM Act !!!" I would greatly appreciate it. Or you can yell "Metal up your ass!!!" either one works fine for me. 

5-7 pm: Asian Pacific Islander TEACH IN- Did you know 40% ofundocumented students at UCLA are of Asian descent? Come learn more about how the DREAM Act affects the Asian community and how we can stop the myth that undocumented students are only of Latino descent.


12-2 pm: SPOKEN WORD/ Storytelling in front of Kerckhoff. Come hear testimonies from allies and undocumented students themselves. ART EXHIBIT in front of Pauley Pavillion.


12-1 pm: MOCK GRADUATION and RALLY in front of Kerckhoff- Bring your cap and gown and graduate on the Kerckhoff steps- We will represent how undocumented cannot use their UCLA degrees to get a job- They graduate, and then say "Now What?"


MAY 1st MARCH!!!!


~ Building side view ~

I'll say this, and this is the truth, if it wasn't for my friends I
wouldn't be where I'm at today doing what I do at school, on this blog
or anywhere else. I may have writen about before so excuse my
repetition. I'm forever greatful for my friend and his family letting
me stay with them for more than a year now. They helped me find a job
and because of them I'm able to continue on my path and carry out work.

However, not to be ungrateful or a basterd, but sometimes I have
second thoughts about the way things are. I make it a point not to
over stay my welcome and impose myself too much on what happens in the
house. I learned that lesson the first time around somewhere else. I
stay outta their way and do what I can to help out. In essence, I just
eat, sleep and keep my stuff here. I do my work else where.

Of course living with someone your bound go hear and see things and I
never say anything. I leg them be. I don't get in their lives and I
would expect them to do the same for me. They don't. Everytime I do or
say something they criticise me and what I do. They don't know what I
do or even why I do it. Everytime I go out with someone or leave
looking nice they always day something.

Most of the time they do it in a sarcastic fashion and I brush it off,
but it comes from somewhere and it's true. It's always some sort of
comment and they imply that I'm too good for them or something to that
affect. My friends brother also does the same fucking thing. Always
talking some sort of smack about what I do or where I'm going. He
keeps saying that me blogging is stupid and that I'm wasting my time.
Needless to say it gets tiresome.

I can write about how sad and pathetic his life is and make him feel
like an idiot, but I won't. To each his own. Yet, it's always the
same. Outside in the real world i'm making a difference and helping
change things for the better. However, when I get back to the house I
see what's wrong with the world, in a sense.

~ con safos ~

Sunday, April 26, 2009

El Random Poet

Yes, I performed poetry in front of others and let me tell you something, I loved it. I loved every moment of it, the attention, the fact that people liked what I had to say and the fact that I was doing something I truly love. The cool thing was that I wasn't nervous at all, least not to the point that my hands were shaking or I was loosing my voice. No, I kept cool under pressure and I read my stuff.

One cool thing I did that people related to was me telling my story about how in the 6th grade I wrote a poem about riding my bike. One of the idiot kids got a hold of it, read it out loud and basically got everyone to laugh at me for writing something like that. Kids are evil, I know and I talked about how far along I would be right now if I continued writing poetry. The past was then and now it's time to make up for lost time.

I had fun both at the workshops and at the readings. Saturday night was a RARE treat because so many talented and amazing poets showed up and brought their best stuff. I was moved in more way than one and by just watching everyone else, I was inspired to continue on with my writing and poetry. I just have to continue chipping away at it and writing, writing and writing. I'm not shy about reading in front of others so i just have to come up with stuff to read. None the less, I feel like I'm on the right path again. So with out further adieu, one of the poems I read at the epitaph.

El Random Hero

He can kill with the best of them

Quick to shoot with words, but soft enough to heal

He lived on "Random" days expecting the next to the his last

His pen was his lightsaber, it's the one that reads "BAD ASS MUTHER FUCKER"

Thursday, April 23, 2009

"You're a writer"

It's odd when someone says that to me. Just a few minutes ago I was
helping my room mates little sister come up with ideas for her
homework. She's suppose to to write a type of biography of herself if
she was Jewish during the holocaust. I read what she had an it was a
great start.

But every now and then she'll ask me for help and I do. In fact today
I was heping someone else by reading their essay and making some
edits. I consider myself a writer, not a good one or a bad ass one,
just a writer in terms of me being able to explain what I wanna
through my writing rather than words.

It's always been like that for me for some reason and I tend to put
myself down because writing is so prolific and soo many do it, better
than me. It's like why bother, but in the end I don't do it for anyone
but myself. When I force it, like in school papers it's not the same.
Now that I'm getting more into poetry and writing other things beyond
news stories for newspapers, I'm learning that I have a lot more in me
than I thought.

People see me as a writer and I consider myself one as well, what kind
remains to be seen. I'm still developing my craft and I have infinate
space to improve on it. Reading more and exposing myself to newer
things is helping. I don't think I'll ever consider myself a real
writer, just a shit talker.
~ con safos ~

CNN and the DREAM Act

CNN. I would never have expected to see it on CNN but Matti did a bad ass job.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Coming soon, DREAM Act the poem

Over the last few weeks I have been taking part in a poetry workshop with Gloria Alvarez. I've been learning about myself and what I'm capable of in terms of writing poetry. It's also encouraging and a great change of pace to be surrounded by people who have nothing but kind things to say to you. I've never received the kind of encouragement and attention I've been getting at the workshops and I wonder how much more I would have grown if I got that kind of encouragement when I was a kid. I think back now and realize that I had no one in my life nurturing those aspects in me. It's only till now that I'm starting to realize what I'm capable of an exploring it.

I have a few things in the works and I've been thinking about what I should write about and I've come to I can see why it's dark, even though I don't want it to be, but that's what's coming outta me. So, until I can find a happy place, I'm going to write whatever I feel like writing regardless of what comes out. After listening to the song "Cellz" on MF Dooms new album I discovered Charles Bukowski. And I thought I was dark, this guy takes the cake. It's like, I don't need to write anything, he beat me to the punch. So, expect poetry related to the DREAM Act, not having papers and all that good stuff. No one else is doing it, that I know of so it should make for some interesting reading. I'll post it when I write it.

“Dinosauria, We” by Charles Bukowski"

Born like this
Into this
As the chalk faces smile
As Mrs. Death laughs
As the elevators break
As political landscapes dissolve
As the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
As the sun is masked
We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it’s cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes
Born into this
Walking and living through this
Dying because of this
Muted because of this
Because of this
Fooled by this
Used by this
Pissed on by this
Made crazy and sick by this
Made violent
Made inhuman
By this
The heart is blackened
The fingers reach for the throat
The gun
The knife
The bomb
The fingers reach toward an unresponsive god
The fingers reach for the bottle
The pill
The powder
We are born into this sorrowful deadliness
We are born into a government 60 years in debt
That soon will be unable to even pay the interest on that debt
And the banks will burn
Money will be useless
There will be open and unpunished murder in the streets
It will be guns and roving mobs
Land will be useless
Food will become a diminishing return
Nuclear power will be taken over by the many
Explosions will continually shake the earth
Radiated robot men will stalk each other
The rich and the chosen will watch from space platforms
Dante’s Inferno will be made to look like a children’s playground
The sun will not be seen and it will always be night
Trees will die
All vegetation will die
Radiated men will eat the flesh of radiated men
The sea will be poisoned
The lakes and rivers will vanish
Rain will be the new gold
The rotting bodies of men and animals will stink in the dark wind
The last few survivors will be overtaken by new and hideous diseases
And the space platforms will be destroyed by attrition
The petering out of supplies
The natural effect of general decay
And there will be the most beautiful silence never heard
Born out of that.
The sun still hidden there
Awaiting the next chapter.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Earth Day

Sigh... I have profesed my passionate love and care of all things
animal, dogs and cats specially. If I could pass a back ground check I
would donate my time at a sheltor looking after animals there, but it
would seem I'm needed else where, for the time being anyway.

Lex broke his leg a few days ago and today I came with my friend to
take him to the vet. He broke it when hr was playing and just landed
all wrong, something I know all about. There's a lot of things going
through my mind as it is and I wish Lex breaking his leg wasn't one of

We already talked to the vet, Dr. Church, and everything is going to
be ok. The only issue she's dealing with right now is the $$$$,
$3,000 to be exact. We talked about pet insurance before and now she's
defenetly going to invest in it now. I've thought about doing the same
for Harley because life happens everyday.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Days of future past

If I didn't know any better I'd swear I was looking at a younger
version of myself. Friday I spent the day at the library writing
stories for the school newspaper. I noticed the kid and something
struck me. The fact that he was reading an comic book made me think of
my life and how greatly it's been impacted by them.

Needless to say I felt as if I was in high school and jr. high all
over again. Here's this kid, at the library reading a comic and
enjoying himself and that book. I saw him and I said to myself, that's
why I'm doing what I do. Not for me, for my parents or anyone else,
but for the next generation of kids coming up and having a whole world
agaisnt them.

That's how I came up and I know there's going to be plenty more.
Whether they're undocumented or not, I've lived through the kind of
life you see glorafied in tv and movies. That alone warrents me going
to go help kids like me and give them an example that you can make it
outta the "hood."

More than anything, I want to be an example to others of what is
possible when the odds are against you. I got dealt a bad hand to say
the least and have worked hard to get where I am. Not only that but I
still have even MORE to go, but I'm not stopping anytime soon. I feel
like I got dealt a pair of 10's and all the other players around me
got dealt full houses and royal flushes. I just have to bluff my way through life letting people think I have a royal flush and psyching them out until I get the upper hand.  

~ con safos ~

Thursday, April 16, 2009

'Killers Paradise' after thoughts

I have a lot of hate within me to say the least. My life has given me a unique perspective of the world and the people I share with it. Yet when soo many people are killed on a daily basis here in Los Angeles, California, the U.S, North American, South America and the world, there's an extreme feeling of helplessness and frustration that comes with it. There always a feeling of rage and extreme anger at the same time, but those feelings don't last long, I know.

Today I saw the documentry "Killers Paradise" and all of these feelings and emotions hit home in more way than one. I have three younger sisters and the person I look up to the most in the world is my a'ma. She gave me life, she help guide my sense of direction and she is the only person in the world who cares about me the most. No one else will care about me like my a'ma does. That's why it's easy to feel frustrated and furious about what is going not only in Guatemala, but in every country in the world.

Woman are being raped and killed for no other reason than because some idiot who dares to call himself a man, wanted to have his way. The worse part about all of this is that the local police and governments don't do anything about it.
No one knows anything and killers are roaming free, protected by systemic impunity. The justice system is corrupt and police are afraid to investigate. Witnesses are afraid to testify and bereaved parents are afraid to agitate for action. Even the interior minister himself speaks darkly of the "parallel powers", those really in charge.
People at the screening got extremely emotional because some there survived it or it hits home personally because they're from Guatemala. One guy let it all out cursing at the top of his lungs and breaking down into tears. I was right there with him.

For me things are different though. I realize that people will see the documentary and they'll go on to spread the word and continue to fight for the injustices. However not everyone can be reached and touched like that. For most people it's easy to ignore the bloody truth because of the huge disconnection that make it seem like these problems are worlds away, when in reality, it's right next door. Everything is tied together and what happens there affects what happens here. It's easy to get lost in our personal lives because some of us have personal crusades and missions already in progress. Others are just full of themselves and don;t care about anything but getting more things to fulfill their materialistic needs. What ever the reasons, I'm not the type of person to forget about the injustices of the world.

Today it was Guatemala, tomorrow Asia, Africa and other countries because it never stops. It'll never stop because as sad as it is to say, destruction and death have become part of human nature. At some point everything lived in harmony, but those days will never come again. For now all I can do is look to the future. The past is gone and there's nothing I can do for all of the woman killed in Guatemala, Juarez, Africa and other parts of the world. What i can do is educate and inform others of what is going on right now and help.

Just being an example and treating woman and life with respect can go along way sometimes. The roots of these problems is because there was never someone there to be a right example and show others what respect for others really means. I joke around a lot with friends, but I still respect them, that's why I joke with them. I deal with life with laughter, that's my coping mechanism. Not a lot of people can understand it, but we're all different and we deal with things differently. Now more than ever I know that I'm still on the right path. The people I meet and the work I do only means that there are bigger things to come.


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

AB 540 Affidavit


Here it is. This is what says I can go to college in California under Assembly Bill 540.  If knew about this getting outta high school my life would have taken a dramatic turn of events to say the least. AB 540 passed in 2001 and I graduated in 2002. I spent three years working no point jobs and even though it took me a while, I got back in school and I had to sign the affidavit to do so.  It's safe to say that everyone who's in college right now or will be will be signing this form. I never really put much thought into it because it's not something I come across everyday or even think about. It's just something sporadic I dwelled on because I wrote a story about the DREAM Act being reintroduced in the senate. I got bothered because initially I was going to focus on the online aspect of how the DREAM Act came up again, but I fell behind with my work. 

I also noticed something that caught my attention and again got me bothered. During the news paper production night, which was yesterday, some colleagues made some interesting comments. They asked how many times has the DREAM Act been introduced in the senate and I told them that it's been quite a few times since 2006. Even though the first time was in 2001. Yet the way they responded struck me as, how can I put this ... ass hole'ish. You know how when someone makes an insensitive comment about something EXTREMELY PERSONAL  and you correct them and school them on how saying stupid things like that are disrespecting the people affected by it you personally as well. It was like that for me. 

I left it alone, but none the less I realized where people stand when the truth actually comes out. As always people say ONE thing and DO another. I'm guilty of the crime, but I take steps in not falling into that habit. I can say the same about other people, but I'll just leave it as office politics, nothing else. I'm still in that moment though, " Wait ? It's being introduced AGAIN !? How many times is that now?!" The truth comes out when you least expect it. 

Monday, April 13, 2009

More Immigrants means more $$$$

The bureaucratic process is slow to say the least and things take time to go into affect and materialize. That and it takes hard facts and evidence from the "right people" to help people take notice and realize what they have been denying the whole time. Needless to say this press release by the Immigration Policy Center is one of those things that will hopefully help people change their minds and see things differently.

Basically people are realizing how much money immigrants will contribute and it's a lot of money to say the least, so I'll use myself as an example.

If I were to become a legal resident I would get a better job. That job would mean that I would start paying taxes and since I don't support anyone, the gov will be taking a pretty hefty part of my check. Next I would start buying and spending all that money I made at work on things I need and thereby contribute to the economy. After a while I would eventually be able to get out of my friends house into my own place, which would lead into even MORE spending because I have to furnish my home with a bed, couch, fridge etc... Then after that I would take the next step and buy a motorcycle, maybe a car depending on how things are and if I have a girlfriend. At the same time I would end up sharing the wealth and making sure my dog gets taken care of and take her to the vet for a check up, treat her to something nice and get her a big bone. As I'm doing this I would still be enrolled in school continuing my education and taking more classes that would require me to buy more books and school supplies. As you can see, all of this would happen in the span of a year or two and it will only continue. All this money and I'm only ONE PERSON. Imagine how much more money will be generated if the thousands of students waiting for the DREAM Act would become legal residents ?

~ According to Dan Siciliano, Associate Dean at Stanford University, "We know, from experience and analysis, that a legalization program helps grow the economy. Being undocumented causes immigrants not to invest in themselves, in their community, or their skills. Enfranchised consumers who are part of the above ground economy are more invested consumers. They are more likely to invest extra time, money, and effort into their children and themselves."

~ David Dyssegaard Kallick, Senior Fellow at the Fiscal Policy Institute, also added "...people don't just vanish and imagine what would be involved in driving out 12 million undocumented immigrants. Mass deportation isn't realistic. What is realistic is making sure immigrants work in the above-ground economy. Immigration reform isn't about being pro-immigrant or anti-immigrant -- it's about having an immigration system that functions and addresses what I think everyone recognizes as a broken system."

Sunday Best

Technically as I write this, it's Monday but let's pretend it's still Easter Sunday. Anyway, one thing I have always hated was wearing your Sunday best on, well...Sunday. As a kid I would always break out the "nice" shirt, pants and shoes to go no where with my parents. "Where we going ?" I would ask my mom. "Al Sears" she would say. Man I still remember those days of bliss.

To me that was the norm, getting dressed up to go to a store or just because it's Sunday. Maybe it's a Mexican thing, maybe it's not, but no matter what its origins, I HATE IT. It's only know in my formative years that I stop to look back and realize the idiocy and absurdness of the things my family and I would practice. Sunday best was one of them and to this day, I STILL HATE WHAT IT IS. Sunday best represents how people can lose themselves trying to fit in to "society" and be another autonomous automaton in the world working at the assembly line, so to speak.

I still see it everyday Sunday when I'm going or coming from work. I can spot my own kind out like a sore thumb and at times it kills me to see them. I'm not gonna lie about, there's resentment and animosity stirring up within me when I see them. It's hard for me to explain what I feel, even through writing because I'm not sure what I'm feeling. I see them and I feel bad, sad, mad, happy and ignorant all at once. At the same time I connect with them because I'm no different than them. At one point in my life I was just like them, putting on my Sunday best to go to the mall or store, eat out and go back home early enough to get ready for the upcoming week. Rinse, lather and repeat was basically all I did and it kept going because I didn't know any better.

I mean, I have no fashion sense what so ever because I never put any value or attention to fashion outside of wearing shirts that had images of things I like and that were comfortable. To the day I still don't put much emphasis on clothing or fashion because I don't want to fall into that Sunday best cycle again. As a result, I end up wearing black a lot and if you didn't know any better, you'd swear I was some goth kid. I take pride in not putting an emphasis in fashion, but that makes me the odd man out and well, I realized that I have to have Sunday best clothes because I need them. I have never felt comfortable when ever I wear something nice. And, even at a great sale Sunday best can be pricey for something that is only worn once in a while.  

That's just how I am and I rarely dress up for anyone or anything. If I clean up it's because I'm serious about what I'm doing or because it business. Friends always joke with me whenever I do dress up because it's such a rarity and of course crack jokes, but it's all in fun. Nowadays the peer pressure of looking nice gets to me and I I'm starting to cave in. I haven't bought new clothes in 5 years straight, outside of chonies and shirts at events, so needless to say my wardrobe needs to be updated, BADLY.

Wearing black in 100 degree weather isn't good for anyone. Still, the concept of wearing Sunday best disgust me for personal reasons. That's why I make it a point to look EXTRA "rugged" when I go out. I get dissed and over looked a lot, but things suddenly change when I open my big mouth and say something either really smart-assy or just plain smart. They never suspected that underneath my rugged exterior lies a smart, talented young man. It's happens, don't worry about it. I take it as a compliment.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Romanticing immigration

I just saw the movie "Sin Nombre" and I realize how immigration is romanticized by Hollywood, much like anything else really. I guess cause it hits close to home, I tend to see it from a different perspective and at times takes offense to it. This movie in particular uses gang violence as a back drop, which does make for a much more dramatic story, but you wonder how much is real. The things I saw in that movie do happen, but because they're on the big screen it almost gives it a free pass because it's tunred into entertainment for the masses. I also find it patrionizing at times because again, it just hits to close home. I still feel all teary eyed and sad about the movie and the drama, but I can't help feeling like my life is on display for all to see. Almost as if people are reading about my life on a near daily basis. Hehehe

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Stream of conscisness

Writing exercise that someone suggested at a poetry workshop I was at last week. Said he got it from writer Sandra Sisneros a few years back. Write 20 lines that consist of 8 or 12 words per line. The first word you start out with has to be the last word you write in the end. You also have to start the next line by using the last word in the previous line. Get it ? If not, read my example. This is just me writing non-stop. I'm not stopping to think of words or what to write. I realized that after I did this, my subconscious tends to take over and everything flows. So I went over, I got in to it heheh.

~ Equivalent exchange is a fundamental law in he universe because in order to gain, something of equal value must lost.

~ Lost in a world that shuns you because of the mistakes of others.

~ Others can't understand what you go through on a daily basis because they're too self involved in their universe.

~ Universe that spans on endlessly through time and space too big to notice the tiniest miracles.

~ Miracles that are over shadowed by the hate and ignorance of the world.

~ World that can't learn to stop being materialistic and is committing suicide.

~ Suicide once seemed like the answer to ending it all because you didn't want to deal with it.

~ It sometimes means a lot of things they can't be described because you don't want to be in that place.

~ Place that seems to grow darker and darker everyday because of the haunting shadows.

~ Shadows of figures who have open minds with clenched fist because no one can be trusted.

~ Trusted your parents to make the right decision for you, but you wish you could have had a say in it.

~ It is an eviscerating plague that is rotting you from the inside but you can't stop it from devouring you.

~ You realize that you have rage to overcome in order to make in society.

~ Society is lives blissfully unaware of what is wrong but keeps it under the rug.

~ Rug that has become a home to those who can't afford to have a bed.

~ Bed that fosters sleep where the Dream lord watches over his domain as his sister Death comes for those want peace.

~ Peace will never come within this life time because of the ignorance of the world and their motivation to fulfill their personal needs.

~ Needs that keep growing everyday as commercial america tells you what you need and want.

~ Want to leave this world and live in the astral plane because there anything is possible free from form.

~ Form of hate takes the shape of your neighbor and friends others who don't want to understand the plight of others.

~ Others who are suffering eternally in purgatory because of equivalent exchange.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

From within

When someone has a limb cut off, there's a period of time in which
that limb can be reattached. If the limb is kept alive, so to speak,
surgery and rehabilitation will allow the individual use of that limb,
but not like it was before.

Then there are times in which the reattached limb may take a turn for
the worse and start to decompose. If the limb isn't removed
immediately, it will contaminate the rest of the body and if left
unchecked, kill the individual. So inorder to live, the individual
must sacrafice that limb for the greater good.

I'm walking down the street on my way to do laundry, cause we all need
fresh chonis, and I spot to bangers walking across the street. I can
spot one a mile away. That and there's an apartment building that
houses them like roaches. Only coming out at night and running away
when the cops come looking for them. Funny thing is there's a police
station down the block.

As I continue to push the cross walk button, I keep'em in my sights.
They disappear behind a parked van and a police cruiser drives down
the street oblivious to them. One of them reamerges running with a
sweater in his hand that he stole from a store.

He crosses me as he's running wondering what's keeping his friend. I
keep on going because the reality is, this is just another day in the
neighborhood. I see these idiots do stuff like that and I'm quick to
judge them with a critical eye. At the same time I check myself
because I too was once judged with that same critical eye when I stole.

Toys, school supplies and clothes were mine for the taking because it
was that easy. None the less, there's nothing to justify what I did,
no matter how hard times got when I was a kid. My mom knew and let me
do it outta some guilt trip for not being able to give me simple
things like that. I can see it in her eyes.

So, I too shall be judgeded with the same scruteny as I judge others
and I accept that. The way I see things, these "rotting limbs" need to
be cut off from the healthy body they once belonged to for the greater
good. These "limbs" have/had a chance to be part of the body, but
something happened and it didn't work out.

Some of these "limbs" are still attached and killing the healthy body
by their meire presense around. Having been one of those "limbs" at
one point in my life, I realize that a second chance will make a world
of difference under the proper guidance and for that I'm eternaly
greatful. I want to commit my life to helping "reatach limbs" just
like I was given that chance of being part of the "body." Yet, I still
recognize that some limbs may be too "gang green" to be helped. They
need to be "dispposed" of, other wise they will continue to weaken and
eventually kill the "healthy body."

~ con safos ~

Monday, April 06, 2009


As of late there's been a ton of action going online because the DREAM Act got reintroduced in the senate a while back. Everyone in cyberlandia is posting on the different ways you can help and support the cause, why we're doing what we do and all sorts of good, positive actions. I could bombard you with all sorts of facts, figures and reasons as to why the DREAM Act is great all around, but I'll spare you. If anyone is reading this, chances are you already know the score and don't need to be reminded. But if you want some of that, go here.

However, there have been bigger things on my mind as of late in terms of the future, what I'm fighting for and what I'm about. I can write and talk about how much I'm going to give back when the DREAM Act passes, but it's all turning into the same old song and dance. I have great admiration for all of my colleagues and friends who stand by my side, support the cause and have been diligently spreading the word about the DA. I honestly don't think it would have gotten this far if it wasn't for the solidarity we have all shown online and off.

My experience is that no matter how hard you fight for something, how much you protest and bring awareness to it, if you can't put a face behind it and establish a connection with your audience, then your message will be lost. Through my writing and this blog, I have been putting a face, but not mine. Almost everyone who blogs about being undocumented does in from behind the veil of the internet. I myself have taken full advantage of this veil in chronicling my escapades, thoughts and aspirations. Yet as things continue to heat up and this "battle" continues to escalade, more and more lives are being to be lost and families are being destroyed.

I have been living this way since I was 7 years old and I'm tired of it all. Tired of having to watch my back, watching what I say, what I do and how I interact with the world. I'm done with this BS. I'm not hiding from anyone or anything anymore. I've been trying to embrace life to it's full potential, but there is always something holding me back. It's the same thing over and over again. Change is never going to happen like this, change will only come after someone decides to take the first step and come out, so to speak. I'm not the first and I won't be the last, but I'd like to think that out of all the bloggers out there, I'm one of the first to just come out and reveal who I really am. A person in the world, living in the U.S. as an undocumented resident because my parents brought me here to give me a better chance at life.

Their good intentions have caused me nothing but grief, phycological torment and a bunch of other personal identity issues I've had to deal with over the years. I'm surprised that I am who I am, in-spite of what I've dealt with in my life. Even at that, what I've gone through doesn't compare to what others have or will go through. My shitty drama is nothing compared to others, I'm one lucky cabron, straight out. With that being said, this is going to push my luck beyond anything else I've been through, but whatever the outcome, I'll be ready for it one way or another.

My name is Erick Huerta. I have been living in the United States since the age of seven and have come to love my adoptive country. I'm a full time college student working weekends to pay for my schooling, bills and other random things I spend money on. For the last two years I've been going back and forth from friends houses crashing where ever I can and making the best out of the hand I was dealt. Life gets hard at times, but I now that eventually things will get better, even if it's not within my life time.

The work I do now will help those who have yet to come. Someone is watching over my back, destiny and the faiths have been kind to me, my family and friends. I may frequent the road less traveled and take wrong turns every now and then, but I always end up where I need to be. One way or another. All I need are the tools to be able to actualize my full potential and give back after taking soo much.

~ Con Safos ~

Erick "El Random Hero" Huerta

Sunday, April 05, 2009


Today has been an odd day to say the least. At my "job" I was talking to one of my "co-workers" about random things and the subject of where we're from and how long we have been in the U.S. came up. My "co-worker" mentioned that he's been here 10 years. I asked why he came and he said that back in Mexico, he was running with the wrong crowds and doing drugs. He's also diabetic. He mentioned how he had a bad life style and after coming here, he changed all of that.

He has a child and wife and works to support them. He has more going for him here than if he would have stayed back in Mexico. He says that he would have ended up dead continuing with that life style. Now he works for his family and for a better life.

After work I visit my uncle at his tailor shop and my aunt begins to tell me about her lazy son and other family drama happening. She then starts to go off into a tangent about how life is better in Mexico compared to here. Over there they would have no trouble getting work and they just finished building a 5 room house. This is in Zacatlan. Other family is there and they're prospering as well. She tells me that if her sons were to move over there, they could be making great money working as hotel clerks because they're fluent in English. They tell me the samething.

Working in Acapulco or Zacatecas as a hotel clerk, hmm doesn't sound to bad really, but that's not for me. My parents share their ideology as well. Why work so hard to be something great when you can be living ok at some ok job for the rest of my life. At one point my father had high expectations of me. Being the store manager at a Food 4 Less to him is the top of the mountin. To this day my parents don't understand why I do the things I do. They know I'm a reporter, but they have no clue as to what I write about and how much I do.

Even if they did I know my father will still find some flaw in it cause it will never be enough for him. My sister tells me that he wants me to be with them out in Utah helping run the family restaurant they established. None of them really understand. I've acomplished so much in two years and grown so much that it's mind boggeling to me. I know what I'm doing and what I need to do and no one is going to stop me. Even though my family can't comprehend the magnitude and importance of what I do, other people do and sometimes that's all I need.

Traditional values don't work so well nowadays and have to be remolded and streched. I'm sure that I'm not the only person dealing with this, but at times it feels like it. My family prioratizes material things, I don't and that's where ideas clash. In order for me to make it in their eyes I have to own a home, nice car and have a hot wife and kids. My life isn't about things and status. When I'm gone, people aren't going to remember me for the things I had, bit for the things I did and the changes I helped take place.

~ con safos ~

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

"Que dios te vendiga hijo"

"Ey, this foo has an Ipod." That's all it took. Coming outta a poetry workshop from Brooklyn and Boyle I see them walking at the end of the block. I knew what they were about by their sagging clothes and the way the bald one was pulling up his pants. I made the mistake of having my head phones out and around my neck, that what was gave me away. I usually never tend to leave my self so open specially late at night because they all come out at night, like predators.

I walk pass them and I hear and "Ey." I keep walking ignoring the first one and I hear it again, "Ey." I knew that from his tone he wasn't going to repeat himself again, at least not that nicely. I stop, turn around and get ready for what's about to come. "What kind of Ipod do you have ?" he ask me. I make a gesture with my hand, "It's a small one, one gig" thinking that maybe it'll deter him. "Let me see it anyway," he says to me. At that moment I let out a deep breath and give up.

I see in his eyes that he's got something up his sleeve. He's hiding something in those baggie pants. I like him in the eyes and the feeling of helplessness takes over. Nothing is worth risking my life, least nothing that's of material. "So you just want me to give it to then ?" I say to him. "Yeah" he replies. I look into his eyes again and I let out another deep breath. I can see that he's beginning to lose patience. "So you wanna do this the easy way or what ?" he ask me. "No. This isn't the first time this has happened to me" and before I could finish he cuts me off. "So whadaya waiting for then?"

I reach into my pocket and give him my phone. He gently reaches for it, looks it over and pauses. He gives it back. He ask me what it is and I tell him. He looks at it and realizes that he wouldn't know what to do with it if he did take it. He ask me if have some cash for pisto. I reach into my back pocket to pull out pennies. "Next offer them feria so they don't take your shit." I tell him I spent it earlier in the day buying food. I tell them about the other time when a black guy pulled a strap on me asking me where I'm from.

His friend starts walking toward me and says that there's a bunch of stupid fools over there. Just remember that you still have your pride, don't forget that" he says. I tell him that a phone isn't something I was going to risk life for. "Last time someone pulled this on they had a knife and brass knuckles so I wasn't going to me with you" I say. "I got a strap" he replies. "I know this foo. He's crazy that's why always keeping an eye on him from the side" says his companion.

Walking away from that moment, I realize how someone is looking out for me. I remember as I was crossing the street what my mom once told me, "que dios te vendiga hijo." She told me that in a Jack in the Box when my family was going back home from visiting here in L.A. All my life I've always had someone looking over my shoulder, even though I feel that I don't deserve one. I've done things that I regret, but that's the past. All that's left now is to make up for what I can with whatever I got. It's a never ending pursuit to make amends with the world.

Everything comes around, equivalent exchange. in order to gain, something of equivalent value must be lost or as my parents succinctly put it, no one leaves this world without reaping what they have sown. I don't know what how long it'll take to make up for what I did or if I even need to make up for it, but I won't be stopping any time soon. Someone is watching over me this I know and accept.

AB 540 Informational Pamphlet

I found something amazing at my school, a pamphlet explaining what AB 540 is. How sweet is this ? I'm still working on finding out how this came about, but word around the grape vine is that this was made to help clear things up when students are enrolling or asking for help when talking staff in the admissions office. Not all of them are up to speed with what AB 540 and sometimes end up confusing students who came to them confused to begin with. There are also some counselors who aren't familiar with it either and again, the wrong information is given out. As far as I know, ELAC is the only college taking HUGE steps in going out of it's way in trying to educate students about what being AB 540 means and what options we have as students. I just hope others follow suit and we can spread the word. I'm still surprised by how many still don't know about it and how it can help them. I feel like a preacher when I talk about it to others. Like I just helped them find hope you know. 

Sorry for the fuzzyness. I don't exactly have steady hands.