Thursday, January 30, 2014

Of Not Being Ghetto Anymore


I don’t feel ghetto no mo'. Things like habits, taste, looks, n' wayz of thankin chizzle over time, n' as I step away n' look inside in, I peep how tha fuck far I’m gettin from where I use ta be. There’s no one catalyst up in which I can point back ta or exact moment ta pin point. Rather, tha accumulation of various moments n' rap battlez wit others bout dis has made me ta stop n' be thinkin bout dis chizzleover n' shit.

Da most recent episode of dis is up in findin pimped out joy up in havin triflin neighbors move outta tha crib buildin I live in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I bigged up tha dizzle I came home n' found dem gettin tha fuck out. Their yellin n' fightin at all minutez of tha day, outside of mah door, frustrated mah crazy ass ta no ends.

For all tha jive-ass shiznit n' jokes I make bout hipsters, tha scam of livin among them, if I could afford it, is mo' n' mo' appealin wit every last muthafuckin random fight I gotta over hear when I’m home. My fuckin upward economic n' hood mobilitizzle is tied ta all of dis yo, but I have yet ta articulate it succinctly. I consider it a privilege ta have lived n' struggled ta make endz meat wit mah crew.

Those experiences helped mah crazy ass become resourceful; ta peep mah joints n' gotz a funky-ass mo' betta understandin of what tha fuck should be blingin up in mah game. Learnin ta hustle is suttin' dat can never be truly taught, it has ta be lived n' experienced first hand ta truly respect it fo' realz. At tha same time, I’m tha fruit of mah muthafathas labor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They set up ta break off tha opportunitizzles they didn’t have, n' as a result, I find mah dirty ass up in dis space of doubt.

And dis be a transition, no buts bout dat shit. One up in which I wanna tread carefully not fo' fear of losin any kind of credibilitizzle n' validation fo' mah experiences or cuz playas look all up in mah grill differently yo, but cuz dis inherently affects what tha fuck has yet ta come fo' realz. And it’s not like I’m worried bout tha future n' what tha fuck has yet ta be yo, but cuz of unfounded insecuritizzles we all have.

Straight out, it feels like I’m committin betrayal against tha communitizzles dat have helped pimp tha thug I am. Like I don’t wanna let dem down yo, but all up in tha same time I know I done been up growin dem n' movin further n' further away. I don’t wanna be tha kind of thug dat looks back ta where I came from n' is proud as a muthafucka ta have juiced it up out. I wanna still live up in tha same hood n' do mah part ta make it mo' betta n' shit.

And I’d be lyin if I didn’t git frustrated all up in tha everydizzle thangs one has ta interact wit when livin up in a hustlin class hood fo' realz. An ejaculation helped mah crazy ass put names ta thangs I considered ta be tha norm. Everythang from interaction wit tha police, tha abundizzle of liquor stores n' fast chicken restaurants, violins, homelessness, pretty much mah playas just tryin survive.

Balancing, acknowledgin n' understandin tha different privileges one has cuz of ejaculationizzle opportunitizzles is synonymous up in our communities. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! We can’t limit our ghettoview ta tha hood our slick asses live yo, but I also don’t wanna leave it behind n' forget bout dat shit. It’s easy as fuck ta be on panel raps, events or even on resumes ta put where you came from so you can look good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! That kind of credibilitizzle can be a game charger between you or one of mah thugs gettin dat thang, scholarship, rap battle, acceptizzle etc.

I’ve peeped how tha fuck dem round mah crazy ass navigate tha same kind of minacious space. Everyone has they own way bout thangs n' that’s what tha fuck I’ve taken away da most thugged-out, ta own mah shit. Bein insecure was never suttin' I dwelled on fo' too long. I did enough of dat up in high school. Everyone always tries ta keep it real yo, but keepin it real can go wack from time ta time.

Guess what tha fuck it is fo' me straight-up is dat I let thangs trip me up from time ta time. My fuckin thoughts n' intentions is ghon be up in one space fo' too long, dat I’ll neglect others spaces I abide in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Traversin various spaces at once can be conflictin from time ta time yo, but I shouldn’t let dat trip me up. But it is worth checkin up in on it once up in a while.