Sunday, July 17, 2016
Reflections at 32
The older I get, the more I'm making up for my youth. I'm at a point in my life in which I can comfortably live in a growing time bubble of my choosing. I forgot who I said this to and the exact wording, but to paraphrase myself: part of being an adult is having the ability of being able to buy anything you couldn't when you are young. The nostalgia affect is real and I fall for it every other time, like a moth to a flame. Which is not to say I haven't been expanding my boundaries and experiencing new things when I can, but the majority of the time, I'm trying to catch up on something I missed or just relive something from my youth. Every once in a while, I find a combination of the two and I nerd out. At the same time, I've also taken advantage of my resources and have been doing a bit of traveling that has lead to a lot of personal growth and expansion of my internal universe.
As much fun as I've been having, I'd like to think that I've put in twice as much work, both on the financial side to be able to sustain my comfort level and at the social level, which I consider anything in which I'm helping others grow, volunteering, and just generally helping others if I can. As such, the passage of time feels faster than it has previously in my life and I worry about that sometimes. The majority of my time is invested in work that provides finances and/or volunteer, after that, all I do is melt on the couch with various forms of entertainment to distract me. Before I know it, the week is over and the routine starts all over again. I like it.
Like everyone else, I also find myself pondering existentially at the mysteries of life and if I'm making the best use of my time and resources. I'm grateful for the maturity I've been staking up like experience points over the years because it has made navigating life less confusing and a bit easier. If I had this level of maturity 10 years ago, there's no telling where I would have ended up, but that's also the point. The experiences I've been through have accumulated and lead me to where I am today. And like everyone else, I have good days and bad days, but I keep on keeping on. I can't change systems, but I can make positive changes in individuals I meet and that I care for. That is something I have kept practicing for as long as I have been active in social justice movements. It's not a solution, but it's what works for me.
I'm looking forward to what 32 will bring and who I will get to share it with.