Friday, March 07, 2008


It's one of the hardest things to do for me personally really. Being of illegal status in this country I feel that this is a burden I should cary alone. Of course countless friends have joked and suggested that I get married to an american girl and get my papers. 9-11 changed the world forever and its affects are still being felt in waves. Getting married is no longer a viable option because immigration has seriously started preventing and prosecuting individuals involved with green card marriages. Then there are the moral ramifications of spitting on the sacred act that is marriage so I'm left at a cross road. Ideally my parents wishes and dreams, along with the rest of my family, were for me to meet a cute american girl, get her pregnant and in a way force her to marry me. Problem solved, except I had serious self esteem issues and I'm not good looking enough to get anyone to marry me. At one point my parents seriously considered buying me a wife to get me my papers yeesh !!! I have had the luck of having girlfriends who are accepting of my situation but alas none of those relationships have gone anywhere. In fact this post was inspired by my now ex-girlfriend who got sick of me and hates my guts now. In fact I know that if she were to be driving and she saw me crossing the street she would not brake for me. The gist of it is that she wanted me to be what she thought I could be. She felt betrayed because I said I would change but never did and to be honest, changing one's habits and being is hard. I have made great strides in becoming the person that I am today but that doesn't mean i haven't kept some of my basic values and way of being. I love to joke around and laugh in the face of adversity and danger. Even when I almost broke my ankle trying to to do crazy stunts on a dirt bike, I was cracking jokes. I was on the floor with my leg touching my head and they asked me how come wasn't laughing. (I had a streak for laughing every time I wiped out on the bike.) I said something to the affect of "It's not as funny when it hurts" and cracked everyone up. I care about said ex-girlfriend but I have crossed her unintentionally to the point that I no longer exist to her in this world. The differences in our worlds didn't matter. To her it was all about me not wanting to grow up. I know I need to grow up and stop with the vulgar humor and what not, but that's the way I am. It's one thing growing up, it's another changing the person you really are. That's who I was with her and obviously it wasn't enough for her. The 20 year old who doesn't know what to do with the rest of her life, complains about everything, acts like a spoiled child and wants the world to revolve around her. I grew up when my parents made me walk to school everyday. She still relies on others for help. Which isn't a bad thing but when your the only girl and the youngest, well things come to you easily.