Saturday, September 24, 2011

The days pass me by like rain drops. Everyday, there's a meeting or two to be in. An event to be in solidarity with or to demand something from someone. To stop something or to start. I'm starting to believe that I can predict the future, because every day is exactly the same. The same faces, same fist, same injustices and the same old bull shit. It's getting to be that the fire and passion that once conjured bellowing chants and unbridled passion are fading away. It's getting so that being an activist becomes a routine.

In my life, I've had plenty of routines.

Getting up, getting ready and going to work, get home, go to sleep.

Shit, shower and shave.

Rise, lather repeat.

When it get's to the point of being able to coordinate which shirt for which event will be best suited for an action, I can't help think that it's turning into a sort of non-realized joke. Visuals are important for any kind of action, that way you can better spot yourself on people's pictures on facebook, on tv and in newspapers. And any great action can only be followed up by some brief socializing around great food. We all spend so much of our time organizing actions, that it hardly leaves times to hang out, share some drinks, tacos and laughs, thus we get them when we can.

There's something to be said for routine because it's part of life. That circle that goes around, and around until it reaches the other end and it closes up. I guess that for the last few days, that final connection wasn't being made any more. The circle wasn't closing up, and the resulting gap lead me to question my intentions in this movement, my work and the reasons as to why I do things. Healthy question only strengthens a persons self resolve, and brings them around full circle to as why they fight and do what they do.

For me, the circle of personal vs the movement comes up when money issues come up, which is frequent. The majority of the work I do, and have been doing the least couple of years has been outta me wanting to do it. To be part of the movement and to fight along side some of the most amazing people I will ever meet in my life. Yet, it's only now as I'm getting older that being able to stand on my own two feet, handle my life and still find time to do all the social justice work that I do, start becoming conflicting issues. I don't have the skills to pay the bills, not yet.

I still have a long way to go before I can even consider becoming a full blown organizer, doing house visits, talking to folks and building all those skills. I still haven't even finished school. But everything will happen one step at a time. For as much as I get lost in transition, I'm surrounded by folks who help me find a new path to follow. To continue doing what I do and help me succeed. It's never an easy balance, but somehow it works out in the end, when you least expect it.

Last night as I was watching the documentary, "Black Power Mixtape," these questions were answered for me. TO hear and see that activist from 30 years ago are still doing the same work they did back then, it gives you hope and reassurance that it can be done. One can dedicate their life to social justice, but not without great loss at times. It's ok to take vacations from the fight, so long as you never forget why you are doing what you do. This is a movement that has been and will be around longer than any one single person. But the goal at the end of the day is to make this world better for the next generation. Whether that's your kids, nieces, nephews or other people's kids. There's always going to be others following in the same path, just as we followed others, so we have to make sure that don't get lost in translation. To keep fighting and loving till our last breath.