The act of being politicized was never something new to me,
but taking action was. It’s only in these last few years that I have taken
action in support, solidarity and/or against numerous issues. But the one issue
that brought me into the fray of things was one that affected me directly and
inherently, selfish. It was the Federal Dream Act. My foundation has been built
on being selfish.
Up in till then, music, comics, video games and some
television had sowed in me ideas, notions and ideals of social justice, but the
connections were never made. There was never a spark to light something in me
and push me to do something about it. More than anything, that was on me
because I was and in many ways, still am a nihilist. My personal experience
growing up left me longing for what I didn’t have and instead of doing
something positive about it, I let it fester into something negative.
There was this one time at a party, someone was asking me
which political figures I admired. Who were the folks that I looked up that
helped me be socially conscious. The fact that I was cross faded aside, I
replied by naming Peter Parker, The X-Men, and a few other fictional
characters. When the same person asked me again when I was sober, I gave him
the same answers. He thought I was yanking his chain, but I was just being
honest. Fictional characters have more impact in my life than any individual
you can think of.
I’ve been privileged to find myself in amazing spaces, working
with incredible people. Simultaneously, I’ve been able to learn from and grow
with individuals that have made impacts that will not be recognized within our
life times. I can accredit my current string of good fortune to the
relationships and work I have done with these folks.
But for all the growing I have done, and have yet to do, my
foundational beliefs have never been set. For years I’ve been able to do the
work that I do with a simple situational façade. Reacting rather than planning.
Never having enough time to do anything right. Always off balance in more ways
than one. Just trying to make it through to the next day. Next month. Next
year.
It’s only been a year that I’ve had steady employment and a
couple of months since I’ve had a stable living situation. Having those two
alone gave me the breathing room I needed. Its also been instrumental in giving
me a space to reflect on the work I have done the last few years, where it has
taken me, who I’ve met, what I’ve been able to accomplish because of it and to
plan for what has yet to come.
When I decided to take action, I did it for one simple
reason, to be there, where no one was there for me. When I graduated from high
school, I had no ambitions to speak of. Add being undocumented to the mix, and
I basically had no will to live on. I just went through motions. Years later,
all it took was someone believing in me, and not even that, just someone giving
me positive reinforcement to enroll in college and strive for something better.
Adding to this confusion was the fact that I didn’t have
access to resources or information in any shape or form. One of the things I
enjoyed doing the most when I first got involved was doing AB 540 workshops.
(AB 540 is a CA law that allows undoc individuals who qualify, pay in-state
tuition at public colleges.) I was sharing information on how to continue on to
school and where to get support to parents, high school students and other
college students. I never said no to a request because I always thought back to
how things would have been different for me if someone gave me one of those
presentations.
Things have changed dramatically, but that was my call to
take action. Now a days, I have more motivation to go get tacos than to go to a
march and there’s something wrong with that. Not because I don’t believe in the
work or the fight, but because it’s all monotonous. Things are nothing like
when I first started for the better and for the worse. And all I see is the
worst.
