The worst day of my life: my mom gets arrested and DREAM family passes on

“Las Tres Muertes,” the three deaths. Ofelia Esparza says that in life we all go through three stages of death: the day we die, the day we are buried and the day we are forgotten. She said that the worst death a person could go through is dying and not being remembered for who they were and how they lived." 

I think today might possibly be the worst day I have ever faced in my entire life time. And I'm not being dramatic. Earlier in the day, my mom was arrested by local police because she sells tamales. She's a street vendor. She and my aunt have established their spot and tamales for the last two decades. People know them and love them, that's why they've been able to sell for more than 20 years. Even when my mom moved away for two years, people would ask me about her and joked that they missed her tamales. When she finally did return to her spot, everyone came back, as if she was never gone.

At the same time, I got home after work today only to find out through twitter and facebook that Tam Tran and Cinthya Felix have made the transition into the next life. I wanted to believe that it was another Tam, not the one I knew. But as I kept reading more and more it started to sink in that it was her. The Tam that inspired me to do the work I do for the DREAM Act. The same Tam that I first heard about doing all these amazing things with all the other UCLA IDEAS folks way back in the day. They inspired me to continue on and fight. I met Tam a few times, I told her about my blog and she said she would check it out. I was star struck the first time I met her. I was like, "It's Tam !!." It's a sick joke that they died in a car accident.

Moving The "Movement" Forward

Breaking up with someone is an experience that everyone has experienced one way or another. When two individuals connect on deeper, more profound levels, trusting each other and sharing their feelings, deeply rooted connections are made. Those connections became like nerves in some relationships. If they're fragmented or cut, the pain is unbearable for both parties. That's what I saw today, nerves, roots and connections that have been severely fragmented by time and miss-communication, opened up again and sanitized and prepared so they can be closed, and so they can finally heal.

The "movement" here in California has been around way before I was even out of high school. By "movement," I mean the fight for immigrants rights and all the different shapes and forms it has taken over the years. For you see, the current "movement" I'm a part of, the DREAM Act and immigration reform, started in 2001 when AB 540 was introduced and passed in 2002, along with the first version the DREAM Act. I have had the pleasure and honor in meeting and talking to people who have been with the "movement" since those days. They fought to get that work done and they were there when it was all said and done. They have put in work and helped pave the way for the DREAM movement.

Ethnic Studies banned in AZ

I saw this clip of AC 360 over at Immigration talk with a Mexican American. Great blog, check it out. Sigh, I really don't know what to say anymore about what is going on in AZ. Part of me understands that there is a problem in AZ and that people are fed up about it. Nothing has happened, so they've taken it upon themselves to fix those problems. The problem with that is that some of these people shouldn't be the ones making these calls. It's like all of a sudden, people in AZ are calling out anything that isn't "American" or promotes the ideals of "America." Those ideals and values of course being changed and reworded to promote whatever change they're trying to make so they can say they have the values of America in mind when enacting these laws.

One of the main arguments that Tom Horn uses is that "Raza" studies does nothing but teach kids that they are oppressed and to feel like shit, more or less. He also mentions that once kids take these classes, they become problematic because in classes they are taught to be proud of their race. His argument, more or less, is that school systems shouldn't teach ethnic studies because it doesn't promote unity within the educational system. While his points maybe some what true and not complete BS pulled out of a hat, if regular school curriculum incorporated the history taught in these ethnic studies classes, then they wouldn't be needed right ?

Your name is Toby

I believe it was Mr. Steve-O from Jackass that once said that even though the stunts he does do hurt, he can't imagine the what kind of pain and damage other people do to their souls going to a job they hate and/or can't stand. Ditto. As I made my way to my job this morning I couldn't stop thinking about what I did all week. Going to school, meetings, planning events etc. To cheer myself up, I saw Iron Man 2 at midnight and the next day I saw the play, "A Bengal Tiger in the Baghdad Zoo." An amazing play that I highly recommend to any that is in L.A. or will be in a city that will be playing it near them. I can't say enough about how amazing it was.

At my job, I think a lot. I think about the people I see there, my co-workers and things I have to do. Today I spent the entire day taking peoples orders and scrubbing floors. I also contemplate there a lot because of all the contradictions I see within myself, within others and the world around me. As I was riding my bike home, I saw the guys that drive around in a truck cleaning the trash cans on side walks. One of the guys finds a pair of women's panties, smells them and then wears them on his head, laughing with his co-worker. I laugh out loud and they notice. Funny stuff.

Rejection

"I don't think I deserve the scholarship more than anyone else, in fact they probably need it more than I do."
~ What I said at an interview for a scholarship Last week.

"Sometimes I don't even bother applying to some scholarships because I've already talked to a bunch of other people that are applying for it. Plus, I already have one for the fall, and I don't wanna be greedy because the pool of scholarships undoc students can apply for is extremely limited."
~ What I said to someone last night.

There are some days man when you get kicked down when you are already down to begin with you know. It's like, alright this happened, it's cool you know. Just forget about it, you have other stuff to take care of. That's what happened when I went to a workshop today about a scholarship that  I would apply for, if I qualified for financial aid or could prove how broke I really am. Just a month ago I got assed out from another scholarship worth a few thousand bucks because of the same reason. Then I get home and get a letter that says that I didn't get another scholarship that I thought I had in the bag. Guess that's what I get for being cocky about it huh ? 

Way to fuck with me there universe. That's a good one. If anything, my bank is going to charge me that $35 overdraft fee for that $1.54 I went over this weekend. Wouldn't that be awesome huh ? Yet, my problems are nothing compared to those of others. I just like to think and feel that it only rains on me. After all, this is why I created this writing space in the first space. At this point, whatever opportunity presents itself for me to become legal, I'm taking it. I need not concern myself with pride for trying to get the DREAM Act pass anymore and see in all the way through. Fuck that man. How can I help others when I can't help myself ?  

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night

What if you had the power to do more ? If you could stop the suffering of countless others with a single sacrifice of yourself, would you take it ? Could you ? Do you think you're that strong enough to do it ? Could you handle everything that would come before and after ? The mixing of fear and anticipation combined with excitement and compassion. Could you carry a mountain of DREAMs ? These thoughts have crossed my mind before, on several occasions actually. This sense of superhero-ism that I romanticize because that's the kind of world I live in.

A world in which the people in my life never inspired me to take action the way comic books and fictional characters do. I live my life through superhero analogies. It's how I break down and understand the world around me. Which is why I was never one for religion. Over time I have come to understand and accept that there are forces beyond my understanding guiding and protecting not only me and my family, but the people around me as well. I have tried to search for those higher powers that go under different names by different people, but it lead me to understand that my life, the way I live it and the way it is guided falls more under the Buddhism tree.I live my life by their teachings, whether I knew it or not and I'm more receptive and understanding through it.