*DISCLAIMER. THE PICTURE OF THE MIXED FLAGS HAS NOTHING TO TO WITH THE DREAM GRADUATION. IT IS SOMETHING I SAW AT A STORE AND INCLUDED IN THIS POST BECAUSE OF WHAT IT IS. AN AMERICAN FLAG FUSED WITH THE SYMBOL OF THE EAGLE FROM THE MEXICAN FLAG WITH THE WORDS "UNITED" ON THE SIDE.*
More than anything, I was proud to be part of Dream Team LA and everyone that was part our our graduation and all the other graduations across the country. With some many people synchronized and united in the same cause, I know we raised a lot of attention because of the sheer coordination it took to have everyone on the same page.
Yet, there are thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind. I wish I could be as optimistic as other people, but the fact of the matter is I'm still in the same place. As much marching and calling we do, I'm still here, at work the next day because the reality of things is that I need to survive. I need to take care of my business in order to have the opportunity to be part of monumental events like the graduations.
I'm realizing this is one of the main reason I was such a loner in the past about things like this. How can we know the heights of joy without experiencing the depths of grief ? It's bitter sweet. We get our hopes up, knowing that today we may have influenced another person or politician into realizing that the DREAM Act is needed. We can only do soo much before it's out of hands and in the hands of the faiths.
I think that's the hardest part for someone of us. We are getting older everyday, our windows of opportunity are passing us by with every waking moment. Our lives on hold because of the challenges we have to over come. I'm starting to fear that for some of us, desperation will set in and lead them to make hard decisions. Decisions they never wanted to make but are doing because it's almost the end of the line.
I cringe at the idea of being 30 and still being undocumented. Still not able to have a regular job or any other of those things. Time is passing us by and I am thinking of what I need to do in order to make things happen. To go to places I didn't want to go to because I have faith in the government and politicians passing the DREAM Act. That faith is wearing out more and more everyday. Suddenly ideas I had about doing certain things for citizenship are looking like last resorts.
I hate having a job I can utilize my full potential. I hate that the world is moving and growing while I'm still in the same place I have been since I first got here. I begin to wonder if I was such a horrible human being, that I was born to suffer. To live my life this way because of past sins. Sometimes I don't even k ow what to think because it leads to the dark recesses of the mind. The ones we ignore and keep at bay. No matter how much we do, at the end of the day, we'll be where we were. In purgatory. Neither heaven or hell.
~ con safos ~