Saturday, May 12, 2012

On updating the blog & myself

Been moving around the last days/weeks or so and I'm just starting to get settled in again with things. For one, I moved !! Where to? I'll let folks figure that out on their own eventually. But things just weren't working out where I was before and after a year, I pretty much wore out my welcome. Which happens often to me so much so, that I can read the signs and passive aggressive actions/comments as my cue to get outta there. And like a tumbling leaf in the wind, I find myself relocating yet again.

I paused for a minute thinking about how I've been living this way, crashing from one place to another, since 07 and I got to thinking as to how long am I going to keep living this way. I'm turning 28 this summer and that those questions of 'what are you doing with your life' keep creeping on you.

At this point in my life, such questions of purpose and goals don't phase me like they once did. My life is my own and how and why I live it is my own thing. To compare it in any shape or form with anyone else's would only serve to hinder me. But I will say that it's a major hindrance when it comes to things like having a space to invite friends over, throw parties of just get some alone time from the rest of the world. More than anything, having that personal space to put up my own art, pics and shit up on walls, be able to walk around in my chonies etc. is the one thing I do crave.

But then again, I'm not exactly in a hurry. And by no means does me not having papers have anything to do with my living situation. I just don't wanna work at a soul sucking job anymore. I've put in my time and if I have to live the way I do in order to avoid that, then I ain't complaining. [That's a big ass lie, I spend most of my time bitching and complaining about how horrible my life is to friends] It's a long story to say the least and as time passes, the harder things are getting. School is turning into this perpetual cycle that never ends because for whatever reason, things don't go the way I'd like them to go and that just means that things get pushed back and back to the point of me not finding any real value in graduating anymore.

I don't see a point to anything anymore, not like the way I use to anyway. I've mentioned this before, but everything is becoming one sad joke no one gets. I figured it out and yet I still play along because I know that in order for the punch line to work, I play my part, much like an actor in a play. We'll see what the summer brings and if things change for the better is some aspects. At this point in my life, having a steady job that I'd enjoy going to would be the best thing in the world, but fat chance that'll happen.