See what I see

Celebrating Mexican Independence Day

Like I wasn't gonna write about this. Come on this is the perfect
subject to blog about, specially for me considering my situation. Even
though I was late to the show, LA had a ceremony at city hall with the
Mexican Consulate to celebrate Mexican Independence Day I.E. El Grito.
This is when Mexico was free of Spanish rule. Now, some of you might
be questioning where my alligiance might fall on days like this. After
Sept. is nationa Hispanic month or something to that affect.

Well to be perfectly honest, like most of the people there I
celebrated my birth countries freedom and yelled VIVA MEXICO many a
time. But why do I still hold an alligiance to a country I dont live
in anymore you ask ? BecUse no matter where we are we can NEVER forget
out roots and where we come from.

One thing I noticed this night was that no matter how hard people
tryto assimilate Nd how hard they try to look like Americans, they
love and salute their country of birth like any patriot would. They
may have left for personal reasons but that doesn't take away any of
the love and passion the have for it. It's the duality of things. We
can love more than one but others don't see it that way. To them I say
QUE VIVA MEXICO CABRONES !!

~ con safos ~

What's my third option ?

Busy as a bee

I mean that in every sense of the word. A bee killing itself gathering
nectar to feed the next generation of worker bees so the queen bee can
sit around all day, like the fat ass she is and fuck all day long.
Fucking bitch. Yes that's how life feels sometimes. Like your busting
your ass so someone else can be fat and fuck all day long. Sigh.
School feels like that sometimes.

I already mentioned some of my gripes and thoughts about coming in
this semester older and wiser and while my classes may not challenge
my full potential, even though I need them to transfer, I'm enjoying
myself and making the best of it. All my classes really require is
busy work and some effort and that's about it. A few presentations
here and there about the DREAM Act and blogging and I should pull of
all A's this semester.

As you can see from the pic, photo class is something that I have been
dying to do. I know my way around photography, but who doesn't now
adays right ? So I know that taking a black/white film class will help
build my foundation and over all picture taking skills no matter what
I use. No matter what SOME people might say or argue cause they don't
know better.

So, to recap. I'm giddy about going full throttle with my "Peter
Parker" journey as a photog and making sure I do my busy work in my
classes. I was recently asked why I don't take other classes that
aren't Chicano studies oriented, I've been doing that as of late, an I
said because I've spent enough of my life learning about everyone else
EXCEPT ME. I know more about other countries than my own history and
that's not right. So yeah, Chicano power. Not that I identify as one
but that's a whole nother post. Hope everyone is holding up ok. Ohh
and thanks for the emails and comments. I may not reply but I read
them. Thanks everyone :-)

~ con safos ~

Grifted

Stop me if you heard this one before, but I'm too old to be where I
am. School wise that is. Seriously. I had an epiphany and today in
Chicano Studies it materialized as a class of 30 plus students had a
discussion about the sociological, enviromental and personal reasons
students identify as chican@, Mexican, Salvidorian etc. Course this is
a begining chicano studies class and even though I know what I know,
by learning it from the streets, and have a firm grasp of things.

So it occured to me during class, the discussion took up the ENTIRE
class time, that knowing what I know, I have to start somewhere and in
that I realized I was getting grifted. Never mind the whole I know
what Chicano is thing, I'm in a fucking over crowded class in wack ass
bungalows with bare minimum equipment almost literaly fighting for
bread crums with everyone else. Course this being California, budget
cuts, tuition increases and enrollment caps are flooding the gates
even more.

I feel this way in all my classes, except photo cause I love that
class :-D. Honestly this is some fucking bull shit. I'm suppose to
compete with students who have every advantage at their disposole from
other schools when I join them at the university level. We're all
going up to the plate with two strikes and three balls on the board
agaisnt us. Bases loaded, tie game bottom of the ninth inning. And
here I come dusting off my shoes with a splintered bat, not wearing
the proper equipment, the hopes and dreams of the team resting on my
shoulders. And it's only going to get harder the higher you go.

~ con safos ~

Endurance

Its been un rato since I last checked in my thoughts. Going back home
to see my familia and just getting out of here for those few days made
some dramatic impact in my life and my way of thinking. Again. Getting
older is something that I'm taking great pleasure in. Seeing
everything through different eyes than everyone else. Knowing what
it's like to live a thousand life times before the one you currently
have makes things harder.

Going back home is stepping back in time. My familia is still the same
familia that I knew when I was still with them. Little older, wiser
and rounder but the same. I on the other hand have changed and grown
so much that even I don't recognize myself. Picking berries with my
mom and sister for an entire day, helping my dad mow lawns and sitting
around the house doing nothing. It all added up into something bigger.

Even today, the first day back at school grinding that axe for a real,
real, long time. I only had 3 hrs sleep but none the less, I was in
class knowing I won't have any problems gettings A's. I feel so much
older than everyone there that I see things differently and I like it.
Our experiences makes us who we are. Our suffering makes us who we are
and our dreams make us who we are. But it's not until we get pass all
of that mumbo jumbo that we do it.

Initially this post was going to be about the stuff making me want to
go into a fetal position and give up, and I do but I won't. Life is
never set. It's like water, taking the shape of what it needs to be,
moving and crushing anything in its way. Healing and helping those
that need it. Taking and giving life because we all have to move on
and be recycled for the next life. I don't really how I am going to
get through this next chapter, but I will be like water and navigate
through the river of life. Wherever I end up, I Know that's where I
need to be going.

~ con safos ~