Friday, August 03, 2012

Checking myself, before I wreck myself

You know how sometimes you say the quite part loud and the loud part quietly? Well for me it's like that the majority of the time and while I have been actively working on not drinking hater-aid, I get annoyed with constantly having to check myself before I wreck myself. Annoyed is putting it nicely, I'm down right fed up with having to mentally check myself all the motha fucking time.

I'm connected to too many things all at the same time, and I've noticed more and more when I reach my thresh hold of information consumption cause all I wanna do is comment or reply some stupid smart ass remark to postings on facebook or observations in conversations.

I remember a time when I use to say all sorts of stupid shit and no one would care, but seeing as how I'm some sort of public figure, I can't be really saying what I'm thinking. Much like a politician, I just gotta say what others wanna hear and keep the real me in check because the id isn't suppose to run wild like that. It's a delicate balance that I have yet to find, and it's gonna take a lot more work to get there.

But at the same time, I am making progress. I do keep shit to myself and in my mind now rather than throwing it out there and taking a swig of hater-aid. It guess it says more about me that I need to work on this, than it does on the people and things I wanna hate on. I'm sure there's some proverb that would could describe this a lot better, but I can't think of one right now. So.... wax on, wax off.