Monday, December 21, 2009

Looking back

"Best to you. Please stay strong. Do what it takes. Chant. Find an SGI organization. Chant nam myo ho renge kyo. Do what ever it takes to be legal in this country without hurting another, especially a woman who will love you deeply. You can do it."

~ You know that feeling of emptiness and loss of direction you get when you go on break from school or work ? I got a bit of that today, so I spent the day cleaning and organizing things. I looked through all my school stuff and got rid of things I don't need. Online I cleaned out my gmail since I use that the most. At this point, I'm not even going to touch my yahoo account. Pfft screw that. I'd rather be out on the streets doing something. I looked over 726 emails until I was left with 69. Yeah.

But it was cool though, you know because during the process I reread old emails and just went back to that moment in the email. Some of the older emails were of people emailing me in response to this blog, like the quote I put at the top or this one, "Keep up the good work kid. You're fighting the good fight." I needed to read that with the year coming to an end, which is why I made it a point to clean and organize. In some of those emails I also got spam, mentions of things I'm doing now like working with people at UCLA on DREAM Act stuff, meeting friends for the first time and the one that hit the old ticker was emails from other people with no papers telling me how they found this blog, how they related to everything I write about and how glad they are they found someone to share their thoughts with.

I don't get emails concerning this blog that much, but I have and it has always been about what I write about, how I need to continue on my path and to stay strong because this is only the beginning. "I may not be where I want to, but at least I'm not where I use to be." Those are the kind of emails I get that keep me going through some hard times of doubt. Sometimes I like to think that beyond this notion of voyeurism, my writing does do some good, no matter how repetitive, mundane and emotional it can get at times. Through my interaction with freindtors (friends and mentors combined) I know that me writing and sharing my voice, my view of the world and my thought process is worth it's weight. It's funny to think that I've been blogging since 2004 and here we are going into 2010. Damn. Only time will tell what comes next I guess and when it comes, I'll write about it and share like I always do. "Born upon a dark sky and shining on my dark side. I feel the wind. I feel the wind that's blowing off all my whines and weakness. I feel the wind."