Thursday, December 17, 2009

Searching for a heart of Gold

Much like the bear, I too am feeling like smiling again. As some of you have read, I wasn't doing to well and got down on myself. Someone commented that I should stop because I'm making them depressed ahaha It's been about a good solid month that I've been on my own again. We all have our ups and down and age does help, trust me. It's all a matter of getting it out through positive channels, talking and making peace with it, more or less. Needless to say I have a few good poems that I will be sharing at open mic events. So as of right now, all is well in the world of El Random Hero again, as well as it can get anyway.

I have made peace with myself again and I can tell I am getting older and wiser. I am focusing on going back to the way things were 7 months ago, writing, going to events on my own and living my life. It's great to have someone to share it with, no doubt about it, but that's not where my life is right now. It would seem that there is a universal rule for being in a relationship, from my experience and talking to others about this, and that is that you must be able to stand on your own two feet. This can be interpreted as not living with the parents, having a "good job" and having a stable life. This current chapter of my life doesn't allow for that. I'm transferring to CSUN, GOD WILLING I GET IN ALREADY, and frankly, that's where my money and energy are going.

I would love to be able to share my experiences with someone else as I continue my journey, but that's not in the cards, something I have to keep reminding myself of every so often. Alas, the lone wolf continues his journey into Valhalla. This past Sunday I was given some words of wisdom, words that I am taking to the heart because she is older and has seen the world more than I could ever hope to right now. She told me what I needed to her, not just her but some other friends as well. I needed to hear that. We all lose ourselves that it's often necessary to reevaluate where we are and what we are doing.

It's getting closer to the end of the year, it's only natural. As always,, I will be chronicling my thoughts and journey on this here blogiddy blog. I may lose some of you and I may gain new people, it happens. This is more for me than anyone else. Stick around. You never know what's next.