From El Rancho

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Facebook has this new time line layout. I noticed it the other day and figured I'd make the switch now, rather than later and not deal with any problems. Yet, yesterday I kinda noticed something that struck me as clever and unexpected. The juxtaposition between my profile picture and the picture of my family in the background.  One of the new changes in the layout is that you can have an image act as a header on your profile. Keeping in mind that this is one of the first things folks will see when stalking you, I decided to go with something that spoke to me. Needless to say that this new layout is reminiscent of how myspace worked.

I ended up going with a pic of a pic I took of my family. As you can see, the family is pretty large. This is a picture my uncle showed me. He pointed out not only himself, 2nd to the right wearing a white shirt, but he pointed out my great grand-dad and great grandma, who are sitting, and my grandpa, who is wearing a white shirt and is standing in between both the great grand parents. He didn't mention anything, but I'm guessing my father must have been in this pic if it's a family portrait. If he isn't, it also explains a lot.

As much as I'd like to have the kind of family I saw on sitcoms, my family as far as I know doesn't get along like that. Over the years, they've all stopped talking to each other for whatever reason. Most of the time it involves money, lies and betrayal. A real life novela if I ever saw one. But it goes a lot deeper than that though. I'm talking about mental, emotional and spiritual abuse, that from what I've heard my father share, is vindictive and evil at times. Which says a lot in terms of how he turned out and how he treated us, his family.

If it's one thing I have grappled with and have begun to understand with time, is that my parents didn't have much to work with. They themselves never received the kind of attention, support and encouragement one would need. I grew up never seeing my parents show any kind of affection to each other or to us, their kids. Words of encouragement where far and few in between or they were implied. All they know is how to work, because both my parents started out like that. You either help support the family by working or you can leave.

I grew up with a much watered down version of that ethic. It was never easy and in reflecting I can see why things are the way the are. As it stands right now, I don't talk to any of the cousins I have. I don't know where anyone is and as far as I know, that's how everyone likes it. I don't have a close relationship with my parents or my three younger sisters. Not as close as I would like, but time is eroding those self imposed barriers. Hopefully, before it's too late.