Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Quarter Life Crisis

That head line is totally appropiate because that's my dilema is
about, dinero, mula, capital, money. For those of us that don't have
it, having more of it would solve our problems. Least we like to think
so but I know that wouldn't be the case. All my life $$ has been the
be all end all solution to life problems, least that's what my parents
tried to tell me. "Mijo, tu tienes que hir ala escuela para estudiar
para que tengas un trabajo bueno y no handes comonusotros,
rompiendonos la madre todos Los dias para sacar de comer." To this day
when ever I say that my life priority isn't about money, family and
relatives sigh and tell me that I'm stupid and ignorant because I
don't place value in the ownership of things. Fuck them.

I listened to my parents and I learned that working just to have $$
will get you no where, miserable, lonely, heart broken and empty. I'm
glad I learned to tone down my need for material things. To know and
understand the difference between things I need and things I want. Yet
$$ is always a problem, specially for people like us, waitingfor the
DREACT Act to pass. Lack of $$ holds some of us back because we can't
get those high paying jobs so we hustle and make the best out of it.
Yet, for me, I hate doing that. I've been doing it for soo long now
that I don't want to do it anymore. Course there are people that will
interprit husling as begging, but fuck you and and fuck them.

Two years I have been relieying on the help and kindness of strangers
and it's hindering me. I'm not independent. I can't standon my own two
feet without asking someone for help. At 25 there are some that have
accomplished more than I have, but that doesn't matter. I'm living my
life the way I want to and I love it. I love myself and I love the
fact that I make people question who I am or make assumptions about
me. That's because they see me fromthe outside rather than the inside.

My goal is to help others in whatever way I can. I learned that I can
be selfless and that on it's own is worthmore than any $$ bill. I
realize that yes, I need to get my chickens in line before I can
truely help others. How I'll do it remains to be seen but I questionit
because I k ow that independence means more working and less doing.
Less doing of things that bring joy to my life, less time to write,
less time for school and less time for life. It's all about balance
and at 25, I need to learn to balance once again. How cab I help
others when I can't even help myself ? But one thing is for sure, I'm
not here to make $$. I'm here to tell stories and care for animals. If
I'm broke but able to write and look after animals, then I would be
the happiest man on earth.

~ con safos ~