Saturday, March 07, 2009

My Corazon

No this isn't some emo blog about some girl dumping me of breaking my
heart, on the contrary. It's literally about my heart and how it
hasn't been feeling right the last couple of days. I can feel it
pumping irregularly like when you take a big bite outta something and
you can feel the food go down your food hole, well that's how my heart
feels. Like it's choking down something.

I really don't like this feeling. In fact is scaring the shit outta
me. Seriously. Electricity and poison bugs two other things that freak
me out FYI. I have no one to blame but myself and maybe my parents
just a tiny bit for exposing me to so much great food. Just this
weekend I've had a torta de pastor, burrito, posole, tamales, popusa,
pancakes with cajeta and arroz con leche. Damn I'm a fatty.

Buy this is nothing new of course. I've been eating like this my
entire life. Going to taco stands and trucks was a regular thing when
I was a kid and late at night too. I still have those habits and even
though I know I need to stop, I just can't. It's not that I don't have
the will power, it's just that my life is so dysfunctional that I'm
not in a position to be picky about what I eat. If there's food I'm
there, plain and simple

It's no suprise these habits are catching up either because doctor
visits were a luxury my parents couldn't provide. I had to get my
annaculations at free clinics when ever they were free and my mom,
along with others took advantage of it. I have been to a doctor,
dentist etc.... I'm more than ten years and that's a scary thought for

I can only wonder how many things are wrong with me physically that I
don't know about. Health care isn't affordable or available to me,
that I know of. I have a hard enough time just trying to survive let
alone watch out for myself. I follow the don't fix it till it's broken
way of life. Taking premature measures isn't like me. I'm gonna cut
back on the soul food, but I'm just scared of what can happen, but

P.S. If something does happen then it was good while it lasted. I give
all my stuff to my dog Harley. I know she'll male use of'em. If I
don't post anything new, well them, yeah.

~ con safos ~